Chapter III Know your standards and control yourself
There is a "standard" for everything. When we understand the standard of a thing, we understand the essence of that thing. In this chapter, we will deepen our understanding of things, and of ourselves, by considering "standards."
You don't have to be particularly aware of "standards" in your daily life. I believe that we somehow understand the standards of things without bothering to be conscious of it, and unconsciously act within the bounds of reason and common sense. But there are standards for everything, even if you are not aware of them.
First, I organized my thoughts on "standards" into bullet points. Use the following as a springboard to further your understanding of standards.
（１）Standards exist for everything.
- People are unknowingly aware of standards.
- To evaluate something, the standard is essential.
- There are standards that can be quantified and standards that are common knowledge, such as traditions and customs.
- The "right answer" is what is reasonable and correct, and standards are often created based on some correct answer (for example, business manuals are built on elements such as past successes and the most efficient methods).
- We judge all things intuitively according to our own standards.
- It may not be rational, as in the sentiment, "I like it because I just like it."
- On subjects with which we are unfamiliar, we are often affected by the standards of influential people.
- Wrong standards will eventually not add up.
- If you are far outside the general standards, there are ways to be a cool heretic.
- New standards are created based on past examples.
- There is a standard centered on "normal," which is revealed by standard deviations and averages.
- There are absolute standards like safety standards and hygiene standards.
- There are standards as a common understanding of tradition, culture, etc.
- Many rules are made based on the standards.
- Standards change as abilities improve (or decline) (e.g., in sports).
- Standards change as technology advances (any object, automobiles, buildings, food, etc.).
- Past failures and disasters change standards. (Traffic accidents, disasters such as earthquakes and tsunamis, measures against bacteria and viruses, etc.).
- Our own standards change often (Growth and ability improvement, new interests and goals, changing tastes, influence from the surroundings, etc.).
- Average score of the mock test → Standard is based on "normal."
- Rivals' scores of the mock test → Standard is based on "rivals."
- Your own impressions of the mock test → Standard is based on the score that "I" assumed I should get.
- Parental reaction to the mock test → Standard is based on the expectations of the "parents."
- Prediction of acceptance to the university you want to enter based on the mock test → Standard is based on "the university you want to go to."
- The opponent's position, ability, and relationship affect your standards.
- When you match your standards to your opponent, you're more likely to be liked.
- If you change your standards too often, people may not like you for being inconsistent.
- When collaborating and discussing, we need to be clear on the key standards.
When talking about standards, I often explain that standards are "good" "bad" "so-so". People always evaluate information that comes in through the five senses in their minds as "good" "bad" "so-so", which is a good indication of their individuality and personality. We can say that a person's character is the set of his or her standards for all things.
For example, in the case of a meal, a person can instantly and arbitrarily evaluate "good" "bad" "so-so" on the deliciousness, appearance, quantity, nutritional balance, price, etc. In relationships, the person can also evaluate the other person's impression with "good" "bad" "so-so". Even if you are not aware of the evaluation, if you have a conversation, there will be movements of feeling (impressions) such as "yes," "I understand," "maybe it's a little different," or "you are wrong." These impressions have a standard within yourself.
When you deal with a person for a long time, you begin to understand their standards. And if you can relate to those standards, you feel a sense of affinity. It is said that people who have similar standards of value tend to get along with each other more easily, which may be natural because people have similar feelings about the same thing.
When it comes to a subject that you can freely evaluate, you can simply adapt the standards you have within you, but when it comes to a subject that many people need to share, you need to clarify the standards beforehand. In other words, you need to set specific standards for judging "good" "bad" "so-so".
For example, if you're in the business of selling something, if you don't set standards for how much you need to sell to get "good," the evaluation will be ambiguous. This means that you need to set standards in advance, such as "good" if you sell more than 10 units in a day, " so-so " for 5 to 9 units, and "bad" for 4 units or less.
Setting standards is an important precondition for any discussion. And once you've set a standard, you'll have less trouble because you just have to proceed according to that standard.
There are many scenes to evaluate in business. From product and service evaluations to personnel evaluations that determine raises and promotions. Instead of an intuitive "good" "bad" "so-so" for each individual, you need to set standards in advance that will be acceptable to the people involved, and then conduct evaluations according to those standards.
It is especially important for leaders to have a firm idea of the standards and communicate them to the people involved, as they are responsible for setting standards of acceptance and pushing the work of their subordinates.
３． Love yourself
When you understand things, you feel closer to them than you did before. You may feel a sense of intimacy and love them. Of course, you may know it and dislike it, but it is more familiar to you to know it and dislike it than to not knowing it at all.
For example, you know well about your good friends. You know not only their strengths and weaknesses, but also their thinking and behavior patterns. Without checking with the person in question, it is possible to say that he or she (your friend) would act in this way in such a situation.
We have various conversations with our friends. We understand others through dialogue. You may dislike them as a result of dialogue, but you will never like them without dialogue. Getting to know others is a major prerequisite to liking them.
The same is true of yourself. People who like themselves knows their weaknesses, strengths, likes and dislikes. On the other hand, people who dislike themselves avoid facing themselves, and as a result do not understand themselves well. It turns out that in order to like yourself, it is important to know yourself.
A lot of people may think, "I know about myself," but is that really true? Wasn't there any strengths or weaknesses that you noticed only after your friend pointed them out to you? If you don't like yourself very much or have low self-esteem, I urge you to increase your dialogue with yourself and try to understand yourself better. Ask yourself what you like, dislike or think about your personality.
On days when some event or memorable occasion has occurred, it is a good idea to begin by reflecting on it. Think of things you enjoyed, wondered about, or regretted.
The key here is to pursue your impressions and thoughts objectively. It's hard to be objective about yourself without being conscious of it. I think it's a minority of people who like philosophical thinking to develop an idea of "Why did I feel that OO was fun and XX was uncomfortable?" even if they sometimes look back on today's events and say, "OO was fun" or "X was unpleasant." But this pursuit of thinking is important. Try to be objective and lead yourself to a conclusion.
Talking to yourself, or revealing your strengths and weaknesses, can be a bit tedious or embarrassing. Time allowance is also necessary. But think of a good friend. You probably spend a lot of time with a good friend. Friends spend a lot of time together and like each other better through many dialogues.
If you still don't feel comfortable talking to yourself or looking back, you should be aware of your own "standards," such as what you like and dislike. For example, list as many of your favorite entertainers as you can, and who you dislike. Then you'll see something in common with the entertainers you feel you like (dislike). That's one of the standards you have.
There are many possible themes: favorite foods, favorite colors, people, spaces, books, movies, clothes, weather, sports, happy memories, etc. In other words, there's no shortage of things to talk about with yourself.
Also, let's say that there are times when you just can't get something you don't like out of your mind. For such occasions, it is useful to prepare in advance what you like to do and what you like to do (your favorite stories). When you can't get something unpleasant out of your mind, decide in advance to "think about 00" or "do XX.
You can learn more about yourself if you don't bother to talk to yourself and face it thoroughly. Once you get to know yourself, you can start to see how you can change things or what actions you need to take to like yourself better.
Especially when you're young, it's important to experience different things and express a lot of likes and dislikes sensitively. To do that, you need to be as proactive as possible. Positive behavior requires energy. You may consider the risks of failure. T That is why we should experience a lot while we are young, physically strong and can afford to make mistakes (Failure is not shameful. It is shameful to hide the failure). If there are anything you find "interesting," even if it is somewhat troublesome, please take on the challenge. As a result, you can always quit if it doesn't suit you. Whatever the outcome, the spirit of challenge will surely help you in the future.
There are many ways to live in this world. Those who are active in society, those who aspire to be rich, or those who do not work hard and live mainly on their hobbies, etc.
How you live is up to you, but one thing that can be said is that " What you don't want to do won't last long." This may seem obvious, but there are a surprising number of people who continue to put up with things they don't like, especially at work and in their relationships.
There are two kinds of patience in the world: patience that is necessary and patience that can be avoided. A lot of patience can be avoided with just a small change in the way you think (how you live).
If your motivation for patience is "to achieve your dreams" or "for your family" and you are satisfied with it, it is fine, but sometimes the motivation for patience is not clear. Some people may think, "It's my job, so I have no choice," or "I'm afraid to change the status quo," or "I care more about what others think of me than my natural self," but you don't have to put up with that.
Those who work harder to care about what others think of them than their natural selves are pushing their own standards to the limit and living according to the standards of those around them. If there is no significant difference between your standards and the standards of those around you, there is no problem, but if there is a difference, you must be feeling distress. If you feel that your standards are very different from those around you, that is not where you belong. You need to change your environment. You just have to move on to find a place that matches your standards. The world is large. I'm sure you'll find a place that suits you.
Besides "patience," there is one more thing that interferes with one's standards. That is "jealousy." Even if you feel that you are "good enough," you may have mixed feelings when you see more results nearby. Jealousy can be a driving force for improvement and growth, but we want to completely cut off the jealousy that "simply envies" us. Nothing can come from simply saying, "I envy you." Not only is there no development, but the negative feelings that come from jealousy are not pleasant.
Those who feel "I envy that person" on a daily basis should realize that they are too jealous. And they need to calmly reflect on their jealousy and make an effort to control your own jealousy. The first step to this is to think clearly, "People are people, I am myself." If this is difficult for you, distance yourself from the person with whom you feel jealous. If you're always jealous of a friend, that friend won't do you any good. You don't have to break up with them, but you can distance yourself from them temporarily.
Hopefully you'll get some good inspiration from your friends and that will drive your growth, but stay away from situations that end with jealousy.
If your own jealousy is not so strong, it is more likely that it is the other person's problem. Maybe the person is a braggart by nature. I don't think many people aim to make others jealous by bragging, but there are quite a few people who try to satisfy their approval cravings with casual bragging. I also recommend keeping your distance if you feel jealous of these people.
When you think about it this way, you realize that it's also very important to be prepared not to make other people jealous. Simply put, don't brag. These days, we communicate various things through social media. Even if you don't mean to brag, if the other person feels jealous, it's a negative result.
The attitude you should aim for is to avoid jealousy. On the contrary, you want to have room to praise and acknowledge the other person's success. Furthermore, be aware of unnecessary bragging.
It may not be easy, but approach it with the spirit of "People are people, I am myself."
５． Thinking firmly about your role
Different people have different roles in social life. For example, some roles are assigned to you at work, some are on your sports team, or some are temporary during a barbecue with your friends. Roles exist when people get together, such as in an organization or a team.
In fact, even if you are just acting as an individual, rather than in an organization or team, you may take on some role and have responsibilities commensurate with that role. Responsibilities may feel heavy, but every role is expected to have some results.
In a business scene, it is easy to imagine that results are expected for a role, but for example, a customer who enters a restaurant also has a role as a customer, which creates a responsibility as a customer. If you take an attitude that is not appropriate for the restaurant (contrary to your role), you are not fulfilling your responsibility as a customer.
The point of thinking about your role and whether you can fulfill that responsibility is simple. Think a little further.
If you have a clear picture of what the correct course of action should be, you can go about it naturally, but before taking on an unfamiliar role or one that seems difficult, it is important to think carefully and objectively about the whole situation. Imagine what awaits you, and think specifically about the various cases. If the subject is complicated, it is a good idea to write it down on paper to clear your mind.
For example, when you first get promoted to a management position, you are often confused. There are many new expectations and roles that the company is looking for and that subordinates are expecting. The key is to think about your role as a manager and determine in advance the direction in which you should act.
You need time to think about your role in a difficult subject. If you have taken the time to think it through, you will be willing to take responsibility for your words and actions. Or, if you get unexpected results, you can identify the cause and take advantage of it next time. It may be easier to live without thinking and just accept the results, but I'm sure that's not what you really want.
